


we live in a time and space, a world full of blinds

by meananimagus



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-27
Updated: 2019-05-27
Packaged: 2020-03-20 04:50:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18985624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meananimagus/pseuds/meananimagus
Summary: because life is nothing but pain.





	we live in a time and space, a world full of blinds

petals. white, pink, purple, red, bright colored petals. the beautiful sheets of silky petals escaping his lips as he coughed them out, scratching against his throat, leaving stings and pains, as if slitting every skin on his neck. the vomitting didn't stop even until his eyes burned hot from tears brimming and forcing their way out his eyes. it hurt too much. the pain is cruel, the pain is unbearable. he couldn't help but kneel down on the cold tiled floor of the bathroom, his knees lost complete strength and are now getting bruises because of the hard surface. he couldn't force himself to stand up for the petals are still rising up from his abdomen, relentlessly causing him aches all over his body and within his heart. it seemed like never-ending, and the pain is cumulative, exponentially increasing in amount with every petal that exits his trembling lips, spits and tears pouring alongside them into the bottom of the bowl.

felix is suffering all because of an emotion he felt without his consent, he didn't even want to feel it. he didn't ask for it. just because his heart started beating for someone who doesn't feel the same way about him, he's miserable, and broken in this pile of ruthless flowers. why must love be so cruel? why must life be so unfair? why did he has to fall in love for a person who's obviously in love with someone else, with someone else that's not him? why does it have to be just him stuck in the tragedy of one-sided love and live with it miserably, physically and emotionally?

another petal touched the bottom of his throat, forcing it's way out just as another warm tear fell from his eyes. he coughed it out, leaning over the toilet bowl, his hands clutching his stomach that clenches and starting to constrict from all the pain. his throat feels so broken and his chest literally heavy, extremely massive he fears it'd break his body in pieces.

he started to sob more. his thoughts circling around the dark abyss, wondering about all the sufferings he's been through already because of this unrequited love. he didn't want it.

no one wanted to love and not be loved in return. no one wanted to feel so many emotions towards a certain person while that person feels those emotions towards someone else. no one wanted to be in a situation where he would hear the mere name of the person he loves and petals of a red carnation would start bubbling around his stomach, trailing their way up until he throws them all out. red carnation represents his bleeding heart.

his spine began to relax, abdomen and chest heaving from too much exertion, from being overused. he leant back, his shoulders pressed against the wall. tears kept on falling against his cheeks, miserable whimpers releasing from his mouth.

and that's when his another episode ends. it's always like that. felix would see changbin with someone else, he would watch them be a lovely couple being all over each other. touchy, sweet, staring at each other's eyes with so much love and affection. then he would run his way to a place where he can vomit all the evil flowers unbearably inflicting him dreadful physical pain. the cycle goes on and on and he doesn't have any idea when it would stop. if it would even come to an end.

he went out of the bathroom, lethargic, drained out of everything, he fixed himself then trudged his way towards his bed. he buried myself from the protection of his thick blankets, emotionally exhausted.

"lix-ah.." a soft voice came from behind him. it was chan, his roommate and he didn't bother turning around, afraid that his bloodshot and swollen eyes will expose him, instead he just hummed in response, throat still scratchy. the edge of his bed dipped a bit and felix realized that chan sat on it.

"i know how much it hurts, you don't need to hide it from me." felix tensed at the older's words. his hands fisting the duvet against his chest as chan resumed talking.

"hanahaki, right? that very cliche unrequited love disease."

"h-how did you know?" felix slowly sat up, there was no use denying it anyway, he could never lie to chan, he could never lie to someone he trusts the most. he turned to face the older, noticing his eyes were as red as his own, his lips as chapped and dry as his own. chan smiled bitterly, looking straight into felix's eyes, pain and misery lacing his orbs.

"because everytime you're hurt because of him, i am hurting too. for every petal you vomit is equivalent to two petals i cough out. for every tears that falls from your eyes, i bawl out in double pain. everytime i see you, watching them with painful eyes, my heart clenches dreadfully. while you're hurting from loving him, i am living everyday with pain for loving you."

"hyung.." chan's lips started to quiver and his tears fell at the same time as the younger's. he looked down, palm planted flat against his left chest, patting gently, attempting to lessen the ache.

felix felt bad, guilty, his hatred towards himself increasing. how can he be so clueless? how can he hurt someone like chan just by being oblivious about how he felt? chan didn't deserve all the pain he suffered from because of him.

but what he felt bad for even more? felix feels bad that he doesn't feel the same way chan feels for him. felix felt awful that despite knowing of the older's feelings, his heart still aches for changbin. why did fate have to play with them this way?

with trembling hands, he pulled the sobbing older and wrapped him against his arms. chan sobbed louder, whispering continuous apologies for what he felt, for the things that he doesn't have any control of, for the things they both had no power to lead the way they want to.

they both felt sorry for falling in love and for not having the person they love feel the same. they are both sorry that they existed in a cruel word that gave them nothing else but pain.

chan loves felix, felix loves changbin and changbin loves someone else. the both of then would never get the love that would cure them and heal them from the pain that are growing immensely around their chests.

maybe this was their purpose, to represent all the broken hearts in the world and die from it because their illnesses are incurable.

felix hoped he could just love chan back, he hoped he can just forget about the other and fall in love with his roommate instead. but life never worked the way they wanted. chan doesn't deserve faked reciprocation. felix doesn't deserve to commit himself into a forced relationship. the both of them doesn't deserve an even more insufferable situation.

instead, they would just hold onto each other, trying to get over the emotion that built up tortures their whole lives. trying to live every single day with bunch of flower petals flooding inside their shared bathroom.

that's what life is all about.

endless pain.


End file.
